Swashbuckle - Season 5

Gemma is expecting Captain Sinker back from her holidays, so she is surprised to find Captain Captain there instead. The Captain produces a message in a bottle direct from Captain Sinker explaining that Sinker is not coming back and has officially handed over command of the Scarlet Squid to Captain Captain. When Cook and Line read the rest of the message, they discover that Captain Sinker has been given a new ship, the Crimson Catfish - one that actually floats and sails on the sea. Captain Sinker has decided to go off on some new adventures and, what's more, she is inviting Cook and Line to join her. The thought of life on the open sea, with treasure hunts and definitely no slop, is too much to resist so Cook and Line head off to pack. But later they start to worry that they are making a mistake by leaving - they will miss life on the Scarlet Squid, playing fun games with all the Swashbucklers.

As the official captain of the Scarlet Squid, Captain Captain has made her own addition to the shipwreck - a shark tank. It is home to her two pet sharks, Ethel and Gertrude. Captain Captain instructs Cook and Line to brush her sharks' teeth, but they are scared of the sharks and do all they can to avoid brushing their teeth. Captain Captain insists that sharks are not scary, simply misunderstood, and she sings a song about how lovely sharks really are.

Captain Captain is in a grumpy mood because she hasn't had her pre-game feast. She calls on Cook and Line to feed her, at which point they proudly present her with some of Cook's disgusting seaweed porridge. Captain Captain orders him to make something else, something delicious. Later on, Cook reveals his new dish: seaweed super soup. Captain Captain is doubtful of cold seaweed soup, but once she tries it she realises that it is the most delicious thing she has ever tasted. It's so good, she wants Cook to make some more so she can sell it to other pirates and get rich. A huge list of her pirate friends send in orders for the delicious soup. Cook's new batch is almost ready and he has only one final ingredient to add, seaweed. Unfortunately, there is not a single piece of seaweed left on the whole island. How can they make seaweed super soup without seaweed?

The ship is a mess and Cook and Line are hiding from Captain Captain because they are fed up with doing all the work. When Captain Captain demands that they tidy the place up, Cook and Line decide instead to capture a couple of Swashbucklers and turn them into their new mini pirate crew who will do all the chores for them. Unfortunately, Mini Cook and Line are just as clumsy as the real Cook and Line, and soon the cabin is a complete mess.

Captain Captain is surprised to find that her whistle has been replaced with a small fish. When she calls on Cook and Line to explain, they reveal that they took her whistle to give it a good clean, but the precious whistle, which has been in the Captain's family for generations, ended up in the slop. The captain blows the whistle and soon discovers that it doesn't whistle anymore. She demands the pirates get her whistle whistling again. Instead, they try to convince Captain Captain that whistles are so last season, and they offer her a selection of possible replacements including a duck whistle, a toy trumpet, a kazoo and a harmonica. Whilst they are lots of fun, none of them can replace her precious old whistle.

Captain Captain is in her usual competitive mood. She is determined not to lose any of the jewels today. Her crew, Cook and Line, on the other hand, are not nearly as focused and don't understand why Captain Captain always wants to win. They are far happier playing their own made-up games just for fun. She tells them not to be so silly and to focus on beating the Swashbucklers. Later on, Captain Captain is reeling from having already lost a jewel. She hates losing. Cook and Line point out that it's not all about winning. Captain Captain is flabbergasted and points out in her handbook where it clearly says that a pirate must never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever lose, ever! But, despite her determination, she continues to lose against the Swashbucklers, so Cook and Line put together a 'How to be a good loser' training camp.

Captain Captain, one of the meanest and greediest pirates ever, is shocked to find Cook and Line collecting gold from the Swashbucklers to help the 'Save the Sea Monster' charity. It's all the idea of Little Sea Monster, a visiting guest from Justin's House. Captain Captain insists that pirates TAKE treasure, they do not give it away. She tries to grab the treasure for herself but Little Sea Monster is too quick and escapes with the loot. But Captain Captain is determined to get her hands on that treasure.

Captain Captain is determined to keep a hold of all the jewels today but during a surprise jewel inspection she discovers that Cook and Line have lost the blue jewel. Rules are rules, and she must have all the jewels available to give to the Swashbucklers if they win. She commands Cook and Line to find the missing blue jewel at once. They decide to empty all the slop from the Ship's Mess to look for it.

Cook and Line have been practicing their pirate skills so they can beat the Swashbucklers, so Captain Captain is shocked when the silly pirates enter completely tangled up in rope. Cook and Line explain that they have been practicing their knot-tying skills, and surprisingly they are terrible at it! Captain Captain gives them her own Little Book of Nautical Knots to practice their knot-tying skills. Since they can't tie any of the knots in the book, they make up their own knot - and end up tied together and completely stuck!

Cook is reading his favourite comic instead of paying attention to Captain Captain or doing any chores. The Captain angrily threatens to send him to the brig - the place where naughty pirates are locked up if they don't do everything their Captain tells them. Cook pretends to be worried but then goes back to reading his comic. Later on, Cook is still reading his comic instead of slopping out. This pushes the Captain too far and she commands him to go to the brig as punishment. It doesn't have the desired effect, though, as Cook just seems to be relaxing in the brig while Line does all the chores. Cook points out that if Line is naughty then perhaps Captain Captain will send him to the brig, and then he can take it easy too.

Captain Captain has taken up knitting and is modelling a brand new knitted uniform. When Cook and Line enter, the Captain is disgusted at the state of their messy uniforms - covered in lunch stains and bits of gloopy seaweed gravy. There's only one thing for it: she decides to knit them a new uniform each. She is rather proud of her knitted creations, but Cook and Line complain that they are really itchy.

Captain Captain believes herself to be far too sensible and clever to let the Swashbucklers win any jewels. Unfortunately, Cook and Line are as 'silly as a bucket of slop' and she demands the pirates try to be more sensible. Meanwhile, during the games, the Swashbucklers do very well, winning Game 1: Fruity Loot, followed by another win in Game 2: Potty Portholes. They then go on to win a very messy Shipwreck Rummage. Their hard work is finally rewarded with a triple slop drop, and all three pirates end up in the stinky Ship's Mess.

Everybody is looking forward to Christmas on the Scarlet Squid, but Captain Captain is determined for it to be 'the perfect pirate Christmas' and keeps quoting Christmas rules from her pirate handbook. Cook and Line think Christmas should be about having fun with your friends, but Captain Captain doesn't listen and demands that they follow her rules to the letter.

Cook and Line have been looking for new ways to beat the Swashbucklers and have been taking ideas from a book all about weird sea creatures. Cook has dressed up in seaweed in order to look like a leafy sea dragon, and Line has added some googly eyeballs just like the four-eyed fish. Captain Captain doesn't believe these creatures exist, even though Cook and Line insist they are in their book - along with spiny lumpsuckers, ghost shrimps, blob fish and clown frogfish. She demands they learn about some real sea creatures. But Cook and Line are determined to prove that the creatures in their book are real.

Cook has caught pirate pox. He insists it is harmless and that everybody catches it eventually, but Captain Captain is determined not to catch it and runs away. Later on, Line catches pirate pox too. Captain Captain decides to hide in the cabin to stay away from them, but they keep following her around.

Captain Captain is surprised to find Cook and Line dressed up like her and shouting orders just like she does. Apparently she is always telling them to be more like her, but they have taken the order literally and decided to be exactly like her. This soon leads to chaos as the crew keep ordering each other around, interrupting one another, refusing to do their duties and stealing her limelight.

Captain Captain has ordered Cook and Line to clean out the new shark tank, but they are scared of the sharks and decide to relax with a nice coconut instead. Captain Captain doesn't understand what there is to be scared of and she tells them that coconuts are actually more dangerous than sharks. You're more likely to be harmed by a falling coconut than a shark. This revelation backfires as Cook and Line now become terrified of coconuts, dressing up in elaborate coconut safety gear and trying to invent a coconut early-warning system!

Captain Captain is excited to introduce her new pet, Sluggy, a sea slug she found in a nearby rockpool. She thinks Sluggy is cute and adorable, but it's plain to see that Sluggy does not appreciate being kept as a pet and is very snappy. Captain Captain commands Cook and Line to look after the feisty sea slug, but Cook and Line plea with Captain Captain to release Sluggy back into the sea.

Captain Captain is very grumpy having been kept awake by Cook and Line's loud snoring. She orders them to build her some comfy new captain's quarters in a quiet corner of the cove. Cook and Line don't really understand what she wants and decide instead to build her a den. But they like the den so much, they refuse to let Captain Captain in.

Captain Captain is not worried about losing any jewels today because she has discovered an ancient treasure map that promises to lead her to a bounty of new treasure. Unfortunately, it's been cut into pieces and she needs Cook and Line to help put it back together so she can find the loot.

Cook and Line are laughing so much that they can barely salute the Captain. Captain Captain wants to know what's so funny. They tell her that Line told Cook a joke so funny that he almost fell overboard. The Captain thinks this is no laughing matter - what would they have done if they had really fallen overboard? Cook and Line are stumped. Captain Captain demands that they take her handbook and practice what to do if a pirate falls overboard.

Captain Captain is in a whistling mood and keeps blowing her whistle at the Swashbucklers and the pirates. Gem warns her that if she blows her whistle too much, it can 'bring bad luck on the wind'. The Captain doesn't believe her and keeps blowing her whistle. But every time she blows it, she ends up getting splatted by sloppy seaweed. Perhaps her whistling is more unlucky than she thought.

Captain Captain is in a reading mood and has borrowed loads of books from the Floating Library. Cook and Line can hardly lift the pile of books, but Captain Captain orders them to read them all and find her the best story ever. But Cook and Line drop all the books in the ship's mess, getting them dirty. They take out all the pages to clean them, but then they can't remember which page goes in which book!

Captain Captain has lost her pirate handbook. Cook and Line find it and read it, and they learn an interesting pirate rule: all pirates get to vote for their captain. They decide they they are going to have a vote to choose a new captain.

Captain Captain is determined that today is the last day they will be shipwrecked on the island. She has commanded her pirates to repair the Scarlet Squid so it can set sail once more, but their repair work soon leads to even more mess.

Cook and Line are behaving completely out of character - speaking politely and moving gracefully. They are fed up of losing games all the time and have decided to be more like the Swashbucklers by being well behaved instead. After all, 'good things happen to good pirates'. Captain Captain isn't buying it, and she needs naughty pirates to win back the jewels. But Cook and Line are adamant, they have left their naughty days behind them.