Two and a Half Men - Season 1

Two and a Half Men - Season 1

Season 1

Network
Episodes24
DatesSep 22, 2003 - May 24, 2004
Next Season

Episodes

Pilot
Season 1Episode 130 min

Pilot

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

Sep 22, 2003
Big Flappy Bastards
Season 1Episode 230 min

Big Flappy Bastards

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

Sep 29, 2003
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1Episode 330 min

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father. 

Oct 6, 2003
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1Episode 430 min

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

Oct 13, 2003
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump
Season 1Episode 530 min

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

Oct 20, 2003
Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Season 1Episode 630 min

Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

Oct 27, 2003
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Season 1Episode 730 min

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

Nov 3, 2003
Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful
Season 1Episode 830 min

Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

Nov 10, 2003
Phase One, Complete
Season 1Episode 930 min

Phase One, Complete

Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

Nov 17, 2003
Merry Thanksgiving
Season 1Episode 1030 min

Merry Thanksgiving

When Charlie's favorite ex announces that she is going to get married Charlie attempts to win her back. Tensions arise at a family Thanksgiving.

Nov 24, 2003
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Season 1Episode 1130 min

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

Dec 15, 2003
Camel Filters + Pheromones
Season 1Episode 1230 min

Camel Filters + Pheromones

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

Jan 5, 2004
Sarah Like Puny Alan
Season 1Episode 1330 min

Sarah Like Puny Alan

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

Jan 12, 2004
I Can't Afford Hyenas
Season 1Episode 1430 min

I Can't Afford Hyenas

Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

Feb 2, 2004
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)
Season 1Episode 1530 min

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)

Despite Alan's warning, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie that he meets at the garage.

Feb 9, 2004
That Was Saliva, Alan (2)
Season 1Episode 1630 min

That Was Saliva, Alan (2)

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

Feb 16, 2004
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Season 1Episode 1730 min

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

Feb 23, 2004
An Old Flame with a New Wick
Season 1Episode 1830 min

An Old Flame with a New Wick

One of Charlie's ex-girlfriends is now a man. It gets better: He starts dating Evelyn, who's clueless about his past history with her son.

Mar 1, 2004
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Season 1Episode 1930 min

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

Mar 22, 2004
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Season 1Episode 2030 min

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

Apr 19, 2004
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Season 1Episode 2130 min

No Sniffing, No Wowing

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

May 3, 2004
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Season 1Episode 2230 min

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

May 10, 2004
Just Like Buffalo
Season 1Episode 2330 min

Just Like Buffalo

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

May 17, 2004
Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 1Episode 2430 min

Can You Feel My Finger?

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

May 24, 2004

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